She has come to a quiet acceptance; making her way through this new life, coming now, at the end of her own. It was harder somehow, before, watching her change like the leaves in October. And knowing. All of us knowing. We sit together and talk, our roles, scripts, reversed now. Everything between us changed; different, except the impenetrable bond; Mother. Daughter. Forever the same curse and blessing combined. I take her voice, at times, as she does mine, thinking that in all of the things we have shared together, I had never imagined it coming to this.
I want to tell her it's all right when she forgets, although she no longer asks; content, it seems, to let me do the remembering. I recall the days when laughter still came as naturally as tears; joy, sadness, even anger, knowing their rightful place and time. When I didn't choose what to tell her, or how. When I didn't have to remember her life for her, forgetting, at the same time, not to let her see me cry. I remember my mother, and I mourn her. She would comfort me, as she always did, if only she knew.
I imagine holding her hands, frail and soft; aged, yet heartbreaking and innocent like a baby's. Look! I tell her, indicating the sky. He knew we would forget, I explain. Even the disciples forgot, were confused, didn't always recognize Him. He tells us it's all right; that He will never, ever leave or forget us. That even when we hurt Him, forget Him, He understands, and forgives. And so He placed a rainbow, brilliant, beautiful beyond our understanding, just to remind us He loves us, so very very much.
I watch her nod, smile, listening to me speak, once again, as though seated on her lap, in a time past. She does not interrupt; doesn't remind me that she has told me all of this and more, not so very long ago. Doesn't let on that He speaks this to her heart, her faith pure and precious as a child. Unmistakable and brilliant, she considers the bow He has painted. And remembers.
"I do set my bow in the clouds, and it shall be for a token of a covenant between me and the earth..." ~ Genesis 9:13
Thursday, July 7, 2011 at 08:13AM 
