Can We Talk, God?

My friend Brenda has cancer.  Again.

I remember when she was diagnosed the first time--years ago, but like it was yesterday--when my husband walked into the bedroom and told me.  I remember standing there and hearing it, the words sort of booming and bouncing off the walls, and yet it was all sort of quiet and surreal at the same time.  Like those times in our lives when something happens that our minds can't quite grasp at the time and so God in his mercy sort of slows it all down---slow...time to think, deal with it...cushion the blow.  Accept.

She came through it--the painful and debilitating surgery.  The weight loss.  The hair loss.

Everyone watched her fight this battle as if she were not a petite little woman with a beautiful smile (and even more beautiful spirit)--but a soldier, or a gladiator, or something far, far bigger than her little body.  Like this Power was inside of her, wanting to get out and show itself all along---to stand in front of this ugly ugly Cancer, sword raised, declaring it's presence.  It would not win.  With God's help, it would not win.  Courage.  I have never really seen such courage.

I told her I was angry that it was back.  Nobody is supposed to do this twice.  There has to be a law somewhere about that.    Excuse me, God, but I think you must have forgotten something here--she's already done this once--you're not supposed to let her do this again..Not people like Brenda, God.  Not the good ones.  Remember, God?  she's already done it.  You can't ask her to do this again....You can't ask her family to do this again.

I'm angry, God, and I don't understand it.  I don't know why you so often choose the best among us to fight the worst of battles.

Please forgive me for that God.  For questioning.  For refusing, at least for now, to accept that your hand is in it all.  That you have a plan.  That it's not really about cancer at all.

Thank you for Brenda, and her life, and the blessing she is to so many.  Lift her up today, Lord, as only you can.  Bless her in all she does, and continue to give her the strength to fight.  Use this to your glory, as Brenda so desperately wants to glorify you through this.  Thank you that you have promised never to leave us or forsake us.  And thank you that when you do bring her through this once again, that so many others will see, and know, and believe, who didn't see or know or believe before.

Thank you God, for your love.

Your grace is sufficient.

Phillipians 4:13